“Well, the situation is pretty dire here. We’re advising all of our clients to commit their entire holdings into preserved goods and firearms.” This nugget of sage advice comes from the Brain Gremlin – a genetically modified, articulate, spectacled member of the slick creature crowd that overruns Manhattan’s high-tech Clamp Tower skyscraper in helmer Joe Dante’s zany follow-up Gremlins 2: The New Batch. At first glance, it’s nothing more than an investment tip from one monster to another. Yet, in a strange manner, it’s also remarkably sound life guidance. Seriously, listen to my reasoning.
When life takes a turn for the worse, the most counterproductive action you can do is approach matters with excessive gravity. The Brain Gremlin grasps this. In fact, the majority of the fang-bearing creatures that inhabit Dante’s wild 1990 film (arguably his best) possess the same sly, self-aware comic sensibility regarding the hazy boundary separating the mundane and pure pandemonium. It’s a single component of Gremlins 2: The New Batch that ensures my return – and the older I get, it’s the message that echoes the loudest.
Of course, my connection with this movie did not begin on such an deeply thoughtful note. In my youth, we only had a few well-worn videocassettes at home. Among them were Gremlins and its second chapter, the latter housed in a thick former-rental sleeve likely purchased from an non-chain rental store and sporting grimacing beasts on its knackered cover. I was immediately enamoured and these films did not delay lodging themselves inside my small, malleable brain. Henceforth, they became an practically routine part of my childhood viewing routine.
Dante’s original usually receives all the plaudits, thanks mostly because of its reputation as a moderately spooky festive favorite – and let me be clear, I’ve watched Gremlins an incalculable number of times. Nevertheless, its sequel seldom receives the same level of lofty appreciation, which feels a travesty. As a kid, I’d never miss an opportunity to watch Gremlins 2. During sunny school summer breaks, I’d retreat into the house and pop it in. When I got my own TV-VHS combo unit, it continued playing looped in my bedroom. Over time, it ingrained itself in my psyche. If my parents observed this fixation, they didn’t seem to mind.
As I grew, new insights enriched multiple watches, elevating the fun of watching diminutive verdant beasts gleefully trash a New York high-rise. I learned the ahead-of-its-time real estate tycoon and Clamp Tower owner, Daniel Clamp (John Glover), was based squarely upon the later-to-be-president Donald Trump, with his ginger staff member Marla (Haviland Morris) alluding to his one-time partner Marla Maples. Luckily, Clamp has more heart than his genuine article inspiration.
The “apocalyptic” video Clamp plays during peak-Gremlin chaos? I discovered it was based on a actual “Doomsday” video created by the CNN boss Ted Turner should the world really ended. I noticed how Dante went out of his way to film different iterations of a meta sequence where Gremlins hijack the exact movie you are viewing. One for cinemas, one for VHS and TV, each offering a winking bit of fourth-wall-breaking cultural alchemy ahead of its time.
While it was creature designer Rick Baker’s fantastically vile creatures that caught my eye as a child, this hidden treasure maintained my fascination as an adult. Eventually, I even spoke to Dante about it myself and he had no qualms revealing to me he made the movie with the express purpose of ridiculing those who loved its goofy-but-heartfelt predecessor and wanted more. “We were going to make fun of the fact you came to see it,” he cheerfully disclosed. This cartoonish insubordination and determination to not take his sequel as solemnly as his Warner Bros bosses evidently expected, only increased my affection for it.
When I experienced a sudden family bereavement earlier this year, I was astonished to realize that, during my deepest grief, all I desired to do was sit and watch Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Odd, no? Maybe not. The nostalgic calm it furnished was needed to dilute my mind’s mourning mire – but the perspectives it had bestowed upon me as an adult were similarly beneficial.
Like Gremlins tearing apart a genetics laboratory, there’s some things in life you just are powerless over. Dante knows it. The Brain Gremlin knows it too. Sometimes, you have to follow their example: welcome the pandemonium, commit your entire being into preserved goods and firearms and try not to approach life with excessive gravity.
It’s robust worldly wisdom from a very unlikely source – and it’s the reason Gremlins 2: The New Batch will always be my go-to cinematic solace.
An avid hiker and nature photographer with a passion for exploring the Italian Alps and sharing travel insights.
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